to love others as if they were flowers

pure vs. egocentric love

Lovers - Eddy Leiva

One of my favorite romantic concepts is to love others as if they were flowers.

Not forcing people to be what I think they should be, but nurturing them into what they were always meant to be. Loving freely, without ownership.

But before I understood this, I loved from ego.

I acted like I needed my partners to be a certain way to earn my love and respect. As if I was trying to mold a cherry blossom into an apple to fit more neatly on my kitchen counter.

I had subconsciously decided to be unhappy whenever my partner showed up as anything other than what I wanted. This doomed my relationships.

My misguided love came from a place of lack. I was unable to make myself happy, so I foisted that responsibility onto my partners. I appreciated them for how they could make me feel, rather than for who they truly were.

When I finally took full accountability for my own happiness, I became whole. I was able to love from abundance, without ego. I began to view my relationship as soil that could anchor our long-term growth. And as such, I had to do my part to till and fertilize it.

With this shift, I’m now able to love people with zero desire to change them. I no longer need anyone to be a certain way, because I’m already all I need.

Pure love thrives when two whole, accountable people see and love each other for who they truly are. Like flowers sharing nutrients through our root systems, we can only extend true love to others once we have more than enough for ourselves. 

Only then can we truly commit to another. To learn and relearn how to love one another through the years. To invest and reinvest in the relationship over and over again as times inevitably change. 

It’s impossible to know exactly how we’ll transform in the future. All we can do is embrace all that we are, and nurture each other into all that we can be.

That’s what true love really is.